Is it just me, or does the world around us feel tense? We are experiencing great divisions in our society and quickly losing our ability to relate to those who are different from us or those we simply disagree with. Us-versus-them seems to be a standard operating procedure. If we fear the “others,” then we are going to be prone to interpret every action in the most negative light, often to confirm and reinforce our conscious and unconscious biases. This, in turn, creates further division and reinforces our differences in a never-ending cycle. How, then, do we break out of this cycle?
A few years ago, I was working at a Jesuit institution of higher education, and one of the greatest gifts the Jesuits gave to me was the concept of presupposition. It boils down to this: In an ambiguous situation, you are prone to get the best possible outcomes when you choose to interpret or understand the situation in the best possible light. Another way to say it might be to assume good will.
To be honest, I was quite resistant to this idea. It seemed too simple, even unrealistic. I feigned interest in the concept as I was deeply skeptical of it. Thankfully, a very patient Jesuit at my college didn’t give up on me, and after some conversations he offered me some feedback. He posited that I was expecting presupposition to happen on its own. Instead, he said that I must make a conscious choice to practice presupposition. A conscious choice? To see most, if not all, situations in the best possible light? I was intrigued, but still skeptical. “What do you have to lose by giving it a shot? The worst thing that might happen is that you find out that presupposition does not work for you,” he said. We made a deal that my New Year’s resolution was to consciously choose to practice presupposition.
Fast forward to New Year’s morning. Let’s just say that I have never caught the worm because I am not an early bird. I might even own a mug that proudly proclaims “Don’t talk to me until I have had a cup of coffee.” My husband, on the other hand, is up before sunrise most mornings. We also differ in one other important way. I believe that dirty dishes belong only in the sink or the dishwasher — also known as the correct way. He, on the other hand, views every counter surface as an extension of the sink. If you fall in the latter category, I am sorry to tell you that you are simply wrong.
Back to my story. I wake up on New Year’s Day a bit groggy. I have not had my coffee. I wake up to dishes everywhere. And I mean everywhere. My husband had been up for hours, apparently cooking enough to feed a small army. In that moment, all I needed was a bit of space to put down my coffee mug, but no clean, empty counter surface was to be found. My non-caffeinated instinct was to be cranky, my first thought was to say, “Why? Why can’t you put the dishes in the sink?” But before I could utter those words that would have started the year off on the wrong foot, my Jesuit friend’s voice gently popped into my head. Practice presupposition.
There I stood, still skeptical, and trying to think of a good reason why anyone would leave dishes all over the counter. In the few moments I took to think of a good reason, in walked my husband and said “Happy New Year, honey! I wanted to start the New Year off right, so I have cooked you a surprise breakfast with all your favorites. Oh, and don’t worry about the dishes. I knew you were sleeping, so I didn’t want to wake you up by making noise. I’ll take care of it.”
My friends, my jaw fell to the floor! Just a brief pause — to simply take a breath to understand that situation in the best possible light — completely altered how we started off that New Year. If that was not a divine sign, I don’t know what is. You can only imagine my excitement when I scurried back to my Jesuit colleague to recant this story and proclaim “This presupposition thing! It works!” He smiled with a smirk in his eye and simply said, “I know.”
I love this telling this story, even if I don’t come off looking great in it. The lesson is more important than the details. What would our relationships, our neighborhoods, and our society look like if we all made a conscious choice to practice presupposition? What would Chautauqua look like if we all decided to extend grace and see the best in others? Will it change the world entirely? Probably not. But I would call it a good start.
Amit Taneja
Senior Vice President
Chief Inclusion, Diversity, Equity & Accessibility Officer
