Power — the ability or capacity to act effectively — means different things to different people.
To many, it signifies force or might; the authority or ability to exert control. For others, power is equated with wealth, the transactional tool with which it is often exercised. To policy scientists, power is equivalent to meaningful participation in decision-making.
For motivational speaker Sylvia Farbstein and her son, Brandon, a Gen Z activist and author, power is more personal.
They have delved deep, focusing on identifying their unique strengths, including positivity, that have not only become their individual superpowers but — as they collaborated and later embarked on their entrepreneurial career paths — have also empowered millions of others.
Farbstein will be speaking at the Chautauqua Women’s Club’s Contemporary Issues Forum at 3 p.m. Saturday at the Hall of Philosophy.
The title of her talk is “How to Embrace Uncertainty in All Seasons of Life: A Journey of Shattering Barriers to Boundless Opportunities.”
Experiencing an abrupt transition can throw anyone off course. For Farbstein, that occurred in Richmond, Virginia, when Brandon was diagnosed with a rare form of dwarfism.
“I was a rule follower and never questioned authority,” she said. “At his two-year checkup … the doctor said everything was going great. I had noticed that Brandon wasn’t changing sizes as had (his 5-year old sister) Brooke.”
Brandon’s pediatrician ordered tests, and “that was my moment to realize I should clue into my gut and question the professionals,” Farbstein said.
Six months later, Brandon was diagnosed with a rare form of dwarfism that Farbstein said has affected fewer than 100 people in medical history.
“At the time, I wasn’t sure how to react,” she said. “There was no family (nearby). Mine was in New York and my husband’s was in New Jersey. There was no internet; no online communications. I kind of leaned in to all of the uncertainty and the unknown. … We went in with a beginner’s mindset to try to understand Brandon’s needs in a world not designed for his limited stature.”
When he was 2 years old, “we saw … that he didn’t mind the spotlight,” Farbstein continued. “He was born an old soul. He went from saying two words to speaking in paragraphs. Brooke was doing all sorts of activities and he wasn’t able to keep up. He couldn’t go to amusement parks or take active vacations.”
She said that over time she realized that there was a voice of advocacy inside her, and Brandon realized that it was important to speak up when others didn’t understand what he needed.
With “few answers and no blueprint,” Farbstein “has spent the last two decades learning how life presents us with unexpected twists and turns that can shake us to our core and stop us in our tracks.”
Nevertheless, they persevered. Farbstein is a speaker, writer and advocate. Brandon is a 24-year-old “Gen Z world changer, motivational speaker, and author” of Ten Feet Tall and A Kids Book About Self-Love.
Her life experiences prior to Brandon’s two-year checkup provide some insight into how and why Farbstein was able to switch gears from her predictable, structured career path in finance to a more adaptable “growth mindset,” intent on seeking ways in which Brandon would “neither be confined nor defined by limitations, perceived or otherwise.”
Born in Russia, Farbstein moved with her parents to Israel when she was less than a year old, and then in June 1972 to the United States, when she was 5.
“It was just before I was to start kindergarten,” she said. “My parents wanted to give us a better life. I have two younger brothers. One was born in Israel and the other in the U.S. While my parents wanted me to be multilingual, and they spoke to me in Russian and Hebrew, I wanted to be like everyone else.”
As a young child growing up in Queens, Farbstein also felt that she needed to be a good student.
“The path to being loved and adored was to get top grades and be a good girl,” she said. “I was old enough to witness the sacrifices that my parents made. … I’m realizing that because of that, I equated being compliant with being easy to get along with and liked, so it didn’t come naturally to use my voice and challenge things.”
During her entire pre-K summer, Farbstein learned to speak English by watching “Sesame Street.” Consequently, she said she wasn’t pulled out of kindergarten for English as a Second Language instruction.
“I knew what I needed to know to keep going,” she said. “I was on this path to not create any waves, and I think I wanted to be the perfect student. I wanted to create relationships with my teachers.”
Learning to “emotionally relate to people … paid off” for Farbstein, who said that she and her best friend were chosen as their teacher’s after-school helpers, cleaning up the classroom. She said she “enjoyed being sought out for these roles of responsibility.”
Farbstein gained a “sense of independence” when she realized in fifth grade that she could start earning money by babysitting, and then buy things for herself.
“I saw how hard my father was working,” she said. “… (He) drove taxis and owned a gas station. His mind was always open to learning, taking risks, exploring his passion. … He had an eye for beautiful jewelry, and for designing it. … He ended up in the Jewelry District in New York City. He’s still there, designing engagement rings and high-end pieces.”
With her “eye for fashion,” Farbstein’s mother, an accomplished pianist, worked part-time in a retail store.
Farbstein’s grandparents, who had moved separately to the United States and lived a couple of blocks away in Queens — which she said was “foundational” for her — owned a factory creating women’s apparel in New York City’s Fashion District.
“I kind of understood the entrepreneurial vision and payoff,” she said.
At age 15, when it was time for her to enter high school, Farbstein’s parents moved with their children to the hamlet of Jericho on the north shore of Long Island because they “recognized that (secondary school) education was definitively stronger on Long Island.” She said she was “keenly aware of (her) parents’ intention and wanted to make them proud.”
After high school, Farbstein attended her dream college, New York University, where she earned her Bachelor of Science in finance.
“I always loved Manhattan,” she said. “I didn’t desire to escape to a campus full of greenery, far away from my parents. … I couldn’t wait to dig into the city because I could go to school and work, giving me a jumpstart on life.”
Experiencing the “roller coaster ride” of the jewelry business, Farbstein worked part-time for her father. During the summer before her junior year at NYU, she said she interned at City Bank, then worked there part-time throughout the academic year.
The next summer, she interned at Chemical Bank. By the start of her senior year, Chemical had offered her a job in private banking starting the following fall. She continued working there part-time during her senior year.
As their graduation gift, Farbstein’s parents sent her to Europe, where she and two friends backpacked throughout the summer.
“That was a formative experience,” Farbstein said. “You don’t need to have everything laid out for you in terms of a plan. You can be more spontaneous. Though that doesn’t mean I jumped into that (spontaneity) right away (after returning home), because I was a planner. But it gave me a sense of resourcefulness and independence that I wouldn’t necessarily have known staying home or in New York.”
At Chemical Bank, Farbstein found the credit training program to be structured and demanding. As a credit analyst with a lending portfolio consisting of real estate developers in Michigan with a minimum of $10 million, she said that she had to live by rules and regulations.
However, her “clients were high-level, high-performing entrepreneurs who created their own path and weren’t necessarily happy to be confined by a narrow set of rules.” Since “they liked building relationships with their private bankers, (she) got to know them.”
Traveling to Michigan “forced me to get out of my comfort zone,” Farbstein said. “It forced me to build relationships with people who were strangers. It forced me to look at things from their viewpoint to see if they would be a viable credit risk for the bank.”
When Chemical Bank promoted her to assistant vice president, she said they were also ready to pay for her to earn an Executive Master of Business Administration at NYU.
“That, to me, was the ultimate stamp of approval,” Farbstein said.
Then, while “on the path to take the GMAT” — the Graduate Management Admission Test — she met a woman who had recently moved from Richmond to work for Chemical Bank. The woman quickly set Farbstein up on a blind date with a friend — the only Jewish person this new colleague knew in Richmond.
Within four months, Steve and Farbstein became engaged, 11 months later they married, and she moved to Richmond where she worked full-time for five years.
“I was a professional woman on this predictable, high-performing path and then everything changed; in a good way, but it changed,” she said.
Because the culture was quite different in Richmond, Farbstein said she was asked during job interviews at banks about what her husband — who also happened to be a banker — did for a living.
“So I ended up in the treasury division of Reynolds Metals,” she said. “(I had) two children. Brooke was the first. I did the whole nanny-juggling thing. Two-and-a-half-years later, Brandon was born. Everything was going fine until his 2-year-old checkup.”
This is the point in Farbstein’s life at which her CIF talk will begin.
“It’s been hard on everyone; there’s been pain and anguish” she said. “It’s been hard on Brooke, because it was never even. We’ve learned so many life skills. No one is immune to the uncertainties of life. You can choose how you react to it. You can reframe it as a slight change in plans.”
Farbstein continued: “Uncertainty doesn’t need to derail us to a life without passion and joy. You can create it. You don’t have to wait for someone’s permission to do or see things differently. … (I’m) on a mission to widen the lens through which people see their world.”
Consequently, the Farbstein family’s experiences have been an empowering catalyst for positive change for millions of people.
